Its has been awhile since I have posted but I just had an interesting dream that made me want to write down my thoughts. For some reason the idea of sharing them with the internet seems like a good idea but we will see.

Last night I dreamed of an old crush. The situation was complicated for me so we never ended up being more than friends but it got me thinking about my current situations and why I have never had a traditional girlfriend. I am not a looser and in all truthfulness I, most of the time, do not care. I dont mind being alone but sometimes I think about what it would be like to have someone else. Also lately my dreams seem to be reminding me of the fact, so maybe I do need something more, subconciousley.  Its never a sex thing with me. I have never thought the words "I need to hit that" or the equivelent, in my life. Dont get me wrong I am not gay at all, even though apparently living in an all girl environment is supposed to cause this, which it didnt in my case. I just never get into a girl until I know her. I havent quite figured out what I am looking for but I am starting to notice trends in the girls I choose. The first aspect that seems to be they are independent. Every woman I have have dated/wanted was there own person. They didnt need anyone else to hold them up. I admire that. I see that in most of my friends also. She wants to help people, two women specificly come to mind with this one. Race doesnt seem to be a factor. (You should have seen my step dad and moms face when I told them I went out with a black girl. lol) The final thing that is important is intelligence. As I think about it these are the same qualities I find in my friends. That makes sense since someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with should be your friend first.

I dont care about meeting people. I am an introvert! I can sit in my room all day and entertain myself or go out by myself and be perfectly happy. I dont need other people besides my closest friends. Very few times do I ever call anyone to hang out. I just never think about it. I just go do it. Unless its a special event like hiking (because then you are just walking aimlessly alone and that is boring or possibly creepy). Being an introvert is not a shy thing; Its more of a dont care thing. If you dont know what introvertisem is look it up. Apartently 1/3 of the population are introverts and its always good to know about other people :) . According to several Myers Briggs personality tests I have taken (online so its prolly all BS) I am the following (Ive taken the test 4 times and its a 50-50 chance at getting each so I am guessing I am in the middle):

INFJ

Quietly forceful, original, and sensitive. Tend to stick to things until they are done. Extremely intuitive about people, and concerned for their feelings. Well-developed value systems which they strictly adhere to. Well-respected for their perserverence in doing the right thing. Likely to be individualistic, rather than leading or following.

INFP

Quiet, reflective, and idealistic. Interested in serving humanity. Well-developed value system, which they strive to live in accordance with. Extremely loyal. Adaptable and laid-back unless a strongly-held value is threatened. Usually talented writers. Mentally quick, and able to see possibilities. Interested in understanding and helping people.

Personally I think I lean more toward the INFP side. At first I was undecided about posting this. I dont usually share my feelings. Up until now I have had many pesonal posts but I delete them from the blog before anyone can read them. This one I will keep up. I really wrote this so that my friends could understand me more and so I could sort through some thoughts. Also its better then a stupid chain letter ;)

Usually my dreams are really fucked up and ive come to live with that. I dont even have a clue what they mean and to be honest I kinda like them :). But the dreams ive been having athe past couple days are weird, even by my standards. The night before last I drempt about this guy who was in the SS, I am guessing. It was some organization that killed millions of people. The dream took place way after some war and he was helping people and regreted what he had done in his past. Most of the dream I dont remember. But I do remember people still hated him, and then the dream got really messed up. Right before I woke he was sleeping in his bed. When a black figure in a cloke (Death?) entered the room. Im not sure if the man said anything, but I do know he was scared and in pain. The black fiqure raised an axe with a pointy end up into the air and struck the man twice. Blood flew all over the place.

The next dream I had, last night, was normal again until the very end when a giant brown monster was trying to get into our fanced in area. The fence was electric so we were safe until I noticed someone had placed the power to the fence on the other side. The Monster dystroyed it then came running after us. I dont even know what to make of these but I dont think its going to be good... wonder what ill dream about tonight...oh and there is only one thing that is common in almost all my dreams... I end up in a bathroom at some point in all of them.

So last night I had two dreams. The first one was more of a nightmare. From what I can remember from it, I was running around with other people trying to escape these dog like things with big teeth. I was hidding out in a trailer waiting for them to pass when one entered it and tryed to attack a friend. Out of nowhere I grab a stick and stab it through its head and it dies. I am then running through the creatures trying to kill all of them. (A lot of my dreams latly seem to be conquring a fear.) The second dream I had was me at my old highschool trying to get somewhere. I was looking for something but I kept entering bathrooms, but they were always packed with people. Finally I enter a room and its my old math teacher in a class room full of people. This must be a fear conquring again because I get up infront of them and walk right by them....

So doing what I usualy do, I look up what the dreams might of meant. Dreaming of bathrooms can symbolize self-renew or emotional change. It can also mean difficulty in expressing an emotion, which is true. There is something I want to express but can not. As far as what everything else means, I do not know.