Its has been awhile since I have posted but I just had an interesting dream that made me want to write down my thoughts. For some reason the idea of sharing them with the internet seems like a good idea but we will see.

Last night I dreamed of an old crush. The situation was complicated for me so we never ended up being more than friends but it got me thinking about my current situations and why I have never had a traditional girlfriend. I am not a looser and in all truthfulness I, most of the time, do not care. I dont mind being alone but sometimes I think about what it would be like to have someone else. Also lately my dreams seem to be reminding me of the fact, so maybe I do need something more, subconciousley.  Its never a sex thing with me. I have never thought the words "I need to hit that" or the equivelent, in my life. Dont get me wrong I am not gay at all, even though apparently living in an all girl environment is supposed to cause this, which it didnt in my case. I just never get into a girl until I know her. I havent quite figured out what I am looking for but I am starting to notice trends in the girls I choose. The first aspect that seems to be they are independent. Every woman I have have dated/wanted was there own person. They didnt need anyone else to hold them up. I admire that. I see that in most of my friends also. She wants to help people, two women specificly come to mind with this one. Race doesnt seem to be a factor. (You should have seen my step dad and moms face when I told them I went out with a black girl. lol) The final thing that is important is intelligence. As I think about it these are the same qualities I find in my friends. That makes sense since someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with should be your friend first.

I dont care about meeting people. I am an introvert! I can sit in my room all day and entertain myself or go out by myself and be perfectly happy. I dont need other people besides my closest friends. Very few times do I ever call anyone to hang out. I just never think about it. I just go do it. Unless its a special event like hiking (because then you are just walking aimlessly alone and that is boring or possibly creepy). Being an introvert is not a shy thing; Its more of a dont care thing. If you dont know what introvertisem is look it up. Apartently 1/3 of the population are introverts and its always good to know about other people :) . According to several Myers Briggs personality tests I have taken (online so its prolly all BS) I am the following (Ive taken the test 4 times and its a 50-50 chance at getting each so I am guessing I am in the middle):

INFJ

Quietly forceful, original, and sensitive. Tend to stick to things until they are done. Extremely intuitive about people, and concerned for their feelings. Well-developed value systems which they strictly adhere to. Well-respected for their perserverence in doing the right thing. Likely to be individualistic, rather than leading or following.

INFP

Quiet, reflective, and idealistic. Interested in serving humanity. Well-developed value system, which they strive to live in accordance with. Extremely loyal. Adaptable and laid-back unless a strongly-held value is threatened. Usually talented writers. Mentally quick, and able to see possibilities. Interested in understanding and helping people.

Personally I think I lean more toward the INFP side. At first I was undecided about posting this. I dont usually share my feelings. Up until now I have had many pesonal posts but I delete them from the blog before anyone can read them. This one I will keep up. I really wrote this so that my friends could understand me more and so I could sort through some thoughts. Also its better then a stupid chain letter ;)

The only reason im writing this now is because it would make it easier and everyone could remind me. Lets see... First some history. Every once in a while I decide I dont like my personality or I change something drastic about myself. Sorta a mental shift from one thing to another. I used to do it all the time when I was little. Heck I still do it today based on who I am with at any given moment. By default I am quiet until I know the person and what there personalities are like... Usually this takes a while since I am cautious of new people. Then I change to fit that personality. Its nice and all but im tired of the quiet part. I should just be myself. This all started in 5th grade when I used to get in trouble all the time for talking in class and goofing around. I got tired of spending every recess against the wall and getting in trouble all the time. So I decided when I moved to NC that I wasnt going to be that way anymore. So I changed and became the quite kid. This worked out for awhile until high school... but I just kept with it. I liked it! While everyone else was telling everyone else life stories that no one ever remembers anyway. I just kept thinking whats the point. They dont care! Then when I went to college I decided another change was needed. I started working out and lost alot of weight and got over being shy. Everything was going good until I got dumped by my girlfriend. Then I decided not to trust anyone!  I think Ryan, CJ, or brent are the closest people I trust with my feelings and I dont even tell them that much, and Brent only when im drunk ;) . But then again I dont think I ever trusted anyone that much... well besides Ashley and Taylor when we were "dating". Well anyway I digress. The reason why I am doing this now is because being the quiet guy isnt getting me where I want to be. So I have to change. First things first is I want to trust people again. Thats another reason why I am posting this. Usually when something is wrong I just keep it inside or vent it out when im alone. But this way I am atleast making a slight effort to make my feelings known. Second is not to be so quite. Uausly I dont talk because I have nothing to talk about or worried about saying the wrong thing. But dont get me wrong! I dont want to be the talkitive guy either! I just want to be communitive than I am now. Thats what this is all about I need to communicate more! Its always been a problem that I do not.

Stuff to do:

1. Say hello (This might be hard because I usually never say Hi to anyone unless they say hey first)
2. Work out a little bit everyday (This is just something I need to do... I miss it)
3. Get something Accoplished everyday (I do this anyway so this is a give me!)
4. Get out of the house everyday!
5. Just be me!
6. Talk!
7. DO! Dont sit there and think about it! No second Guessing!
8. Whatever else comes up that will help.
   

So I took this test because I was bored and it surprised me. It almost hit me dead on. The only major problem I saw with it was is said I had a serious attitude toward life. Which I dont think I do... I was classified as a INFP personality which seems to only be about 1.5% - 4.4% of the US population. It said I lived in a fantasy world when I was younger... which I did. I used to read and imagine being somewhere else all the time. The results also said I had a very tight small group of friends that I talk to. This is true I only really hang out with about 4 or 5 people. Everyone else I say hey to and thats about it. Also Im only comfortable around those 4 to 5 people. The test also said I hate dealing with trivialities. This is also true. I hate people who complain a pen is blue instead of green or something little isnt just right... deal with it!! its not important enough to care about! It also said I get burned out with my job if I dont get anything other then a pay check from it... But I think this is true for most people. The test also talked about love and said I had a deep sense of commitment but I have problems showing how I feel... this is very true and prolly why im single... there was also a part of the description that explained my situation perfectly! "INFPs present a calm, pleasant face to the world and are seen as reticent and even shy. Although they demonstrate a cool reserve toward others, inside they are anything but distant. They have a capacity for caring which is not always found in other types. They care deeply-indeed, passionately-about a few special persons or a cause".. and theres more and more... Check it out here and take your own test!
Click here!!!